Debugging Christianity

This weekend at the retreat I had an interesting conversation with our speaking guest, Mark Nelson, and a couple of students about the concept of "deconstruction" and trimming the excess fat off Christianity to reach into the essentials of our faith. We found ourselves on this topic as we pieced through some of Mark’s weekend talks on things he wished Jesus had never said.

Our conversation led to a discussion of deconstruction or "debugging" faith with hopes of finding God’s purpose within all the trappings of our socially constructed religion. We discussed the Christmas story, for example, and all the extra-biblical and often ridiculous things we think are a part of the story that actually have very little, if any, relation to scripture. Mark had a great quiz on his computer about what really belonged in the Christmas story: What did the innkeeper say to Mary and Joseph? What kind of building was Jesus born in? How many wise men were at the birth of Christ? Things like this are so saturated with tradition, but have so little to do with what we actually know about the story based in scripture.

And so, we got to talking about deconstruction. This idea of breaking down the myths, the traditions, the hearsay that ultimately shapes what and how we believe. It is a difficult process, refining our beliefs, our faith, into a distilled, pure, unbiased, untainted version, but I think that it is a process we have to try to engage. And I think for me, this idea of tearing down the extras around my faith has been one of the most important, healthy, difficult, and fulfilling aspects of my faith journey over the past few years.

When I stumbled upon a quote from Brian McLaren’s new book, Everything Must Change, I thought I should share it, for the sake of this breaking down of the superflous, for the sake of debugging our faith with hopes of refining it into what God would have it be.

"We don’t want to reject whatever is good and true in the Christian faith. But to hold our faith in conscience, we [need] to debug it from viruses (modern, Western, colonial, imperial, rationalist, reductionist, and other types of viruses) that seem to have invaded its software. We [need] the freedom to seek and articulate a debugged version of the Christian faith that we can hold with confidence, honesty, and hope."

As I move ahead, growing, developing, refining my faith with God’s direction, my prayer is that I would have conversations like the one described here that help me and others to strip away the excess baggage of our faith, the delusions of self-help, health and wealth, Jesus the smiling white guy, sin management, and instead find a small treasure of God’s grace and direction.

A Good Year

Tonight is the last Tuesday of the school year for Western Washington University and therefore the last Tuesday night INN for the year. This coming weekend will mark one year for me of working for the INN. It seems hard to believe that it has gone so fast, as it always seems to do. I have learned a lot over the past year and been challenged to reflect on why I would choose to get into ministry and do this kind of work, as well as see the true rewards of the hard work we do in the lives of the people in our community.

How do I begin to describe this last year? It’s been exciting – I’ve worked on a staff with people I truly care about, I’ve led a mission trip to Vancouver, I’ve been able to use my gifts with music, working closely with students. It’s been frustrating – I’m still finding my balance within a crazy schedule that demands that my personal life take a back seat sometimes, I’m challenged by my feelings of being too young and incapable of keeping up. And it’s been a growing experience. It’s easy to call something a "growing experience" when you’re in the midst of it all and are fairly overwhelmed by all that God is working on in you. In retrospect, it is always easier to pinpoint how you actually did or did not grow or change. But over this year I’ve been very aware of the ways I’ve been stretched to do new things and step outside of my comfort zone and learn. I’ve had tough conversations this year that have challenged me to really think about who I am and what we are all called to as children of God. I’ve learned how to work hard when things need to get done and also how to relax when I can. So, I think I have done some growing.

It feels kinda rusty, writing these thoughts right now, as it’s been awhile since I’ve done a "reflection" on my times around the INN. These last few months have been pretty hectic, with coming home from Vancouver right into the planning process for next year, with very little (no) break. I wish I could have said more about how I’ve been processing the transitions through the stages of the year, in order to capture some of the more difficult things that this last quarter has been bringing us through. We are now at a point of saying goodbye – goodbye to students who will leave for the summer, goodbye to interns who are finishing their one year commitment, goodbye to staff, as Lance moves on from the INN. It is a bittersweet place to be, as I look forward with excitement to the years ahead, while knowing that 6 of the 9 staff members I’ve worked with this year will not return. I suppose this is a transition I will reluctantly get used to over time. The nature of this work is that people stay for a season. Students are around for about 4.5 years and then, if we’re lucky, a few of them stick around for a 1 year internship. Staff members are around for a few years, hopefully longer, making an impact during the time they are there. I’m sure I’ll grow accustomed to the cyclical nature of it, with new people coming through the doors in the fall.

I believe God is doing something very unique at the INN. There is something special about our particular setting and relationship with our church. There is also something very special about how we work and operate that seems to set us apart from others who are doing college ministry. It’s hard to put a finger on what it is exactly that God is doing in our midst, but by the nature of the way we do things, with flexibility, with willingness to try new things and see new directions and ways students will best interact and approach their faith, we find ourselves on very special, very precarious, very exciting ground. I think that with the best intentions, we are continuing to seek what God would have our staff do within the midst of the student community at WWU, always knowing that no matter how hard we try, there always has to be room for his interaction with students. From time to time, the realities of working with people and organizational structures will weigh down the work we set out to do, it’s clear that in all the frustration and challenge, God is there, getting things done.

Where do I go from here? What do I do with this "good year" that is drawing to a close? I have been trying hard to see this last month with less finality and resolution than it might seem to have, as things wrap up with our existing staff, and more as a final resting place within a movement of a much larger work being done. I’m hoping to be in this for awhile, for "the long haul", hopefully learning to understand the movements of ministry a little better in a couple years and learning to grow and work for change within this place. God only knows how long I’ll keep up doing this. It’s a crazy existence, a ridiculous schedule, but at the same time, it often feels so close to my heart, so relational and loving and communal, what we do, that it seems natural.

The practical answer to where I’m going is – nowhere. I’m planning to start up with another round of summer at the INN in about two weeks. I’ll be working part time, working on Tuesday night stuff, spending time with the summer staff, and prepping for next year. As for next year, it will be another exciting year of firsts, as I taken on a new role as the INN’s music and program coordinator (that’s the closest thing to a job title that we have) as Lance moves on to bigger and better things. Some else will be taking over my position with small groups and retreats, so as I said before, we begin another round of change with a new staff. I am very excited to see how our staff comes together next year, after such a great year with this group. I’m hopeful for the connections we’ll make together next year. It has been a good year, a fantastic year, a challenging year, a beautiful year. And now we begin to go forward.

Weekly Reflection – 2/23/07

Well, the weekly reflection is back from a short hiatus. We’ve had a shorter week, with the presidential holiday on Monday, so I’m still a bit off as far as time goes, so hopefully this helps me get back on track.

So where are we now? There’s about a month left in the quarter and we’re in the midst of mission trip prep and mid-year checking in with student leaders.  Everyone is feeling the strain of extra mission trip commitments outside of our "normal" (loose definition) schedules, but there is clearly excitement building as we all approach our departure dates. Weekly plans are shaping up for each team. As we started out preparing for our trip, things were fairly vague, just knowing that we would be up in Vancouver, serving with street ministries and programs, but not much more. Now, we’re closer to knowing what each day will involve as well as what kinds of fun activities we’ll be able to have throughout the week in the city.

It’s been interesting for me to experience this process for the first time. I’ve been on trips with the INN in the past, but as a student, you don’t have much say in planning anything, so you just show up and work hard. But from the other side, there is a whole lot more to planning, brainstorming the way each day will work for you team, and preparing mentally and spiritually to lead group of people into a foreign city. As I work through this with Karen and the rest of the staff, I find myself wondering what it will be like to actually be there, experiencing the service trip with our team, and also how different it will be next for me, having led my first trip. What kinds of things will I be able to approach differently with hindsight? What we will do this trip that I’ll choose to do again in the years to come? What will we change?

Other important stuff that’s going on right now is the continual checking in with student leaders. As you probably know, I work very closely with the INN’s small group leaders, supporting them, working with them during our student leadership times, and simply being available to them as the work on leading their groups this year. One of my favorite parts of being on staff is just spending time with our student leaders and having coffee (you know how I love coffee). We are a very "relational" ministry, focusing heavily on interacting with students, getting to know them, sharing life and community with them. By investing this time, just to sit down and hang out, as well as talk about faith, life, whatever, I know that our community is strengthened. It’s fascinating how a simple conversation, a "check-in" with someone, is all God needs to build relationships and friendships that allow his work to be done in our midst.

Things are still very busy around here, so please remember the INN and the our staff in your prayers as we head into the end of the quarter. Thanks!

Weekly Reflection – 2/2/07

It’s been another great week. I feel like I start off each weekly post in that fashion (or something very close). Well, it has, but I have good reasons this week (cause I lie the rest of the time?). Two really cool things happened over the course of the week that I’m pretty excited about:

    1. Mission Trip training #2
    2. Presbymergent

Weekly Reflection – 1/28/07

A couple days late, but maybe the weekly reflection is better suited for being a weekend thing, since we tend to have Friday or Saturday activities at the INN that are worth talking about. Or maybe I get wrapped up in what’s going on and I forget. Either way, here’s to another week.

I just looked back through and this is my eighth weekly reflection on my first year at the INN. The idea started about the middle of Fall quarter, a place to reflect upon and share about my first experiences on INN staff, as I go through this full year. I seek to describe what I’m learning, how I’m being challenged, and what’s going on around our community. I hope that for those of you who have been keeping up with these, it has been informative and you’ve enjoyed hearing about what this experience is like.

This week I’d like to focus on one of my favorite and most challenging topics: small groups. We’ve reached something of a midpoint (or we’re at least very close to it) of the year and last week we spent time in our student leadership gathering reflecting on an important principle for all groups – community. How is your small group a community? What are strengths and weakness of your community? How have you benefited by being a part of the INN community and a small group community? I think these are very important questions, because they lead us into conversations about our groups, about relationships with others, and help train our thoughts on the common bond we share by participating in these close networks and intimate discussion settings.

Small group leading is difficult for all kinds of reasons and while reflection on community or other big ideas is important, I’ve also found it valuable to just spend time allowing leaders to talk out and process what’s actually going on in their lives and their groups. We can talk about the larger connections or bigger ideas for a long time, but when someone is holding frustration or questions inside about the basic aspects of leading (time management, intimacy with their groups, what to talk about), these bigger ideas don’t hold much water. So, this week, we also left students with questions requiring them to reflect on their small group leader experience up to this point as well. With little  requirement other than to respond to the questions within the next couple of weeks, these questions will hopefully allow leaders to spend time seriously reflecting upon what has been happening to them as they lead their groups over the last 5 months or so.

I’m a big fan of reflection, whether it’s in writing, talking out ideas with a close friend, or just spending time in silence and meditation. I think God teaches us amazing things about ourselves and the things we involve ourselves in every day when we open ourselves to spending time in reflection and process. Hopefully for small group leaders, this reflection will help them process their transition into leadership and be a place where they are pleasantly surprised by all that God is doing and challenging them with.

Weekly Reflection – 1/19/07

Welcome to another weekly reflection on my first year in ministry at the INN. The quarter is now in full swing and there’s been a lot happening over these first couple weeks. We had our winter dance, which despite the cold, icy weather, had a decent turnout of students. We also had our first mission trip training last night, where Karen (my co-leader) and I met with our team for the first time to begin the preparation process for heading out on our trip to Vancouver at the end of March. It’s exciting to begin again, preparing for the work of the quarter.

As with each week’s reflection, it’s easy to slip into discussing the general "goings-on" around the INN and maybe lose track of some of my thoughts about the bigger picture. I’ve actually been reflecting quite a bit this week on what my role is now that I’ve begun to feel established on this staff and in this position. I think you get to a place with every job or commitment and have to begin asking evaluative questions about why you’re doing what you do and who you are meant to be within that particular role. I’ve been working through finding out what my place within this community is, now that I have a firmer grasp of my day-to-day stuff. I’m asking questions like "what did God place me here do be involved with?" or "what is the particular purpose of my involvement here." I also am trying to process how I begin to look forward into the longer term of this part of my career, by focusing on more than single-quarter or single-year ideas and goals, and thinking more about what things I would like to be a part of shaping over the long run.

These times of process and introspection can be challenging, but I truly get excited by trying to listen to what God has to tell me. I’m trying to be very open to what He will do with our staff as I participate in it over the next few years and as He shapes the INN community, hopefully using me (as weak a tool as I am) along the way.

Weekly Reflection – 1/12/07

It’s quiet around the office this afternoon, the quiet before and after the storm. It’s been another week of cold and snowy weather and tonight we are having our Winter Dance. Cold weather and prom dresses — what a great combo.

We’re all back here at the INN and in full swing. The whole staff had a great break (about 2.5 weeks) and there’s a feeling of excitement for what lies ahead this quarter. Winter quarter is full of all kinds of activities and preparations for our Spring break mission trips. We have an Open Mic night coming up, along with our annual midnight broom hockey event, and both events help support our students as they raise funds for their trips.

Over break, I ran into an old INN friend while out shopping. We talked about what was going on around the INN and he mentioned wanting to keep in the loop with our activities and to receive information about how to support the INN. So, I had this thought: I know a lot of people who read this blog are either friends who I met at Western and who were involved at the INN at some time as students, or are my family members who are supportive of me and what I’m doing. I wanted to extend an offer to anyone who is interested. We send out a monthly mailing about what’s happening around here, which includes program updates, stories from students and staff, and general information about things we need prayer and support for as a ministry.

If you are interested in receiving this mailing, please email me your mailing address. I will make sure you are put on our list. This isn’t an obligation to give financially, but it is a way to do so if you’re interested. It’s also just a great way to find out more about what God is doing in this ministry and how you can prayerfully support us.

That’s all for this week’s reflection. Thank you for keeping up with me and reading along as I experience this first year in what will hopefully be a long career in ministry and service. Blessings.

Weekly Reflection – 12/15/06

With Fa La La La La La La La INN finished this week (see previous posts), the office has definitely quieted down a bit. In this type of work, we need to have good periods of down time along with the high-energy programs so that we all stay sane and have time to stay on top of everything. The second half of the week has been great for me because I have had time to clean up things for the end of the quarter, catch up on a few little things around the office that I’ve been meaning to do, and actually take a few moments to breathe.

We’re wrapping up the quarter and part of that means cleaning up the office. So yesterday, Mike and I set out to get rid of 6 computer monitors, a couple really old computer towers, about 5 dilapidated printers, and some other random computer stuff. This involved cleaning out the attic, where we also found these sweet chairs:

Trust me, the computer monitors looked just about as old as these chairs. Ignoring every "pack-rat" urge in my body (trust me, I have a lot in my genes), we’re getting rid of these babies and freeing up some space. Anyone need a set of 6 orange, retro office chairs?

Weekly Reflection – 12/8/06

First off, I have to apologize for dropping on my weekly reflections the last two weeks. That whole Thanksgiving and snowed-in bit last week kind of messed up my working schedule, so I dropped the ball on writing about those weeks.

So a brief summary of the last 3 weeks: we had a short week for Thanksgiving, followed by a week of icy/snowy conditions that actually led to two missed days of work, a canceled SHOP (student leadership meeting) and the first Tuesday night INN in at least ten years to be canceled, all due to the crazy weather. Western canceled a couple days of school, many local public schools missed entire weeks due to poor road conditions. Just when you think that nothing can pull the world down from its breakneck pace, Bellingham screeched to a halt. I loved it, for the chance to take a break, read, decorate my Christmas tree, and spend time with Stacy.

The brief break did allow me to get some finish-up work done on a project I’ve been working on all quarter and finally launch the newest version of the INN’s website. After a series of delays, we finally were able to get things going with a new content management system called XOOPS (www.xoops.org) and build a new design that is more visually pleasing and has the ability to accommodate for growth in the future. Please take a second to check out the site at www.theinnministries.org.

The quarter is now begin to draw to a close for Western and we have begun to think about the next few months, as well as plan our final Christmas events to wrap up the year. A large part of my job role is to help plan and coordinate our special events and retreats, so I am in charge of the last INN of the quarter, which we host up on campus as a Christmas Party called Fa La La La La La La La INN (catchy huh?). This year’s gathering will feature special musical guests Late Tuesday, Christmas games, and refreshments. I’m pretty excited as it all comes together. We’re kind of in "crunch mode" as the last stages of planning are upon us, so the stress and excitement levels are both raising a bit.

Also, to wrap up the quarter, every year the staff and students take part in a service activity of some sort, giving us all a way to give back to the community at this time of year. This year we’re heading down to Seattle to help the Salvation Army decorate for their Toys ‘N Joy festival, where they host less-fortunate families for a gift-giving party. I’m excited about this, especially because I haven’t had the opportunity to do this "Christmas Plunge" activity with the INN before and it will be great to get down into Seattle to see and serve the people there.

Finally, as the quarter is drawing to a close, I have also been reflecting on what I have experienced over the last 3.5 months. It’s weird to look back and see all that’s happened in such a short time. Welcoming students back to school, planning INN program stuff, working to help small group leaders get started with their new groups, beginning to get excited about the Spring mission trips, and so much more. Even beyond all of the programs and activities, I look back to see how close our staff has become. We spent the last two days together planning ahead for next quarter. We did the same sort of thing in early September, when we met together for the first time as a staff, but this week felt much different to me. Part of it is me feeling more comfortable as a staff member. I feel like every day I am more comfortable in my position here, more prepared to do the next thing, and more aware of the bigger things that God is doing in and with this community. The other part that changed at this retreat was the closeness of the staff and interns. I think we have all grown much closer over these months, learning each other’s personalities, strengths, weaknesses, and finding ways to work together as something of a family. There is a tremendous amount of support and loyalty that we have for each other and I feel like I saw that a lot this week. I am proud to be a part of this group and see the way God touches our staff.

Oh, and I also had a birthday during that period. I might need to change this "Twenty-three" thing to "Twenty-Four" some time soon. Or maybe think up a more creative name. We shall see.

Weekly Reflection – 11/17/06

Seems like the weeks go by so quickly. Last week I talked about technology around the office, including mobility and being flexible when it comes to meeting and working because of technology. Also, I touched on some of my general appreciation for this workplace and the great things this ministry is able to do because of the people God has chosen to be a part of it.

This week, I’ll reflect a bit more on how I’ve seen myself fit into the mix around here. When I applied for this job, I struggled with the feeling that I was in some way too young or too green to move into a staff role, especially when I am working with students who really are only a couple years removed from where I am. How could I ever feel like I would lead or even be respected as someone who was so close in life proximity? I’ve begun to see through that and I’m reminded of Paul’s encouraging words to Timothy:

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

While I’m not a big fan of just pulling small snippets of scripture out to find the meaning I’m looking for, I do think that this verse stands out to me as a simple reminder that no matter our age, our position, our status, we have purpose in Christ, we have a calling the attend to. I have been able to get over some of my insecurities as the months have passed by understanding that I don’t have to feel set apart or above anyone, but that actually by being so close in age to many students, I can see things from their perspective easier. I was in their shoes only two or three years ago. I know what it was like to struggle through classes at Western. I know what it was like living in community with guys from my small group. In the stories I hear, I hear my stories, and therefore I feel able to offer understanding where I felt like I would only offer irrelevance.

With that said, I have also begun to recognize how much I still have to learn. Whether it’s the topics we discuss on Tuesday nights, or office dynamics, or the life struggles I hear students wading through, I continue to feel comforted in the fact that I don’t know the answers. We are all asking questions about life. We ask questions about how God impacts us, how we relate to him, how we relate to others. From the youngest freshmen to the staff, pastors, and even the older members of our church congregation, we are a people who journey towards our understanding of God, but none of us ever reach him in full knowledge.

This relates back a bit to the book I’m reading that I mentioned last week, "How (not) to Speak of God." This last week I read a bit that stuck out to me. Basically, Rollins approached this idea that while we have conceptualizations of who God is, we never grasp a true picture of God. God is revealed to us in ways that allow us to see that he is unknowable. We experience him as much as we miss him. He overwhelms us. We don’t miss him in that we have a misconstrued or unhealthy conception of him on purpose, but we are actually incapable of producing an image of God in concept or reality that is actually a true reflection of him. He’s too big for that. Yet, he shows us glimpses of himself that allow us to see our hunger for him. His "aroma" permeates our lives. It is not the food of God and we are always left hungry for him, but we know that he is there.

(If that doesn’t make sense then we’re on the same page. I really like this book, but I’m still trying to get what he’s actually saying.)

And so I look at where I am. My in/experience seems to actually allow me to be open to learning more. Maybe if I came into this job with 10 years of ministry under my belt, an M. Div, and a boosted theological ego, I might not be able to converse with students on the level that I do now. Maybe it is a blessing that I can start at the ground floor and have these experiences help shape my views on ministry and leadership. Maybe it is OK that I’m young. I guess we’ll see what happens.